Last night I stayed up to watch the Erykah Badu vs Jill Scott #Verzus battle on IG Live. It was a night of Neo-Soul, backstories of how their classics came about, and general advice on life, love and sisterhood. It was beautiful. The energy was beyond healing, and the music played on this cancer moon’s heartstrings for three hours straight.
The battle got me thinking about the crossroads between focusing on self-development and relationships. Jill’s music is for those who love with everything they have but deal with the heart-shattering consequences when it falls apart. Erykah said she goes into love fully with shutters over her eyes and a ‘muzzle over the mouth’……yeah, that part is definitely not me, but it’s word to the true Pisces she is. This is the music I grew up listening to, the music that shaped my world view and my ideas of what love was. Now, any millennial operating in the UK dating scene knows this is definitely not always the case. So, where do you draw the line between upholding your standards and dreaming about a reality that doesn’t exist?
I don’t have the answer to that by the way. I just know that right now, things make more sense when I’m concentrating on me. When you’re a woman that’s focusing on climbing that career ladder and making a real lasting impact, dating can feel like a distraction. Yes, we know there are good men/women out there that will support your dreams and vice versa. You’ll choose each other every day and build together; you’ll bring each other balance and they’ll be your teammate in this relay race called life. After all, Mrs Obama did say, “We don’t want weak players on our team”. And though there are lessons to be learned from every situation, the process can feel like time wasting when you have other priorities. Especially if you take disappointments to heart. I’ve spent quarantine focusing on self-improvement and something I’ve recently accepted is that underneath the logical exterior required for my job and academics etc., I’m a pool of emotion. Love isn’t something I take lightly- it’s soul deep. Now, when you’re trying to work on your own, who has the time to take on someone else’s? It’s a delicate balance for ambitious women to strike.
Over the past few years I’ve found a couple of things help. Firstly, just show up as authentically you. That whole saying, “your vibe attracts your tribe?” Yeah that’s facts. Secondly, communicate communicate communicate! Shrinking yourself doesn’t help anybody in any scenario. With time, experience, and growth, you’ll learn to analyse a situation and quickly understand what it is without forcing lofty ideals onto it. If there’s reciprocity, great. If not, that’s perfectly fine too. We have emails to respond to.
Dating is an art not a science so just trust yourself. That means when it comes to matters of the heart, quieten that busy mind of yours and listen to your intuition. I mean, the aim is to have no regrets, right? It’s far from easy but if you tune into your gut, you’ll never swerve off course toward your purpose. Whoever is meant to join you will do so, and whoever isn’t will fall by the wayside. No need to sweat it.
In the meantime, regardless of your relationship status, love is and will always be a beautiful thing. Listen to the playlist below to remind yourself why: